Thursday, February 24, 2011


Went to bed early with nausea and a terrible headache. Amazng all the things you think of lying awake all night. First, I say my prayers and end up with the Lord's Prayer which I share with Bill whenever I visit his grave. Then I usually think of an incident or something about Bill. Tonight I focused on his hands. I loved his hands and that was the last thing I clung to. Where is he and why does it have to be such a secret!

Then I thought of Jim and how happy he was tonight. This morning he even got a haircut. He had his first bona fide good interview with a very good company and was in such high spirits hoping for the job. I prayed that he would get it, but then I took back my prayer, cognizant of all he people dying in Libya, Egypt and the whole Arab Rim and the four people killed by pirates in Somalia and I figured it was not important enough to bother God with.

My last post came to mind and I figured not too many people liked my views of the people rallying for collective bargaining rights. It was not a political view. I am not a Republican nor a Democrat--I have voted for both through the years trying to pick the one who best represented my views. This right extends to people who belong to both parties and to all people. If the governor wins (and he just happens to be a Republican) how long do you think it will be before unions in the private sector will lose their rights? This is like the first Amendment. It is worth fighting for. The public employees have agreed to pay the additional monies and if this is just a budget bill then how come collective bargaining is even a part of it. According to the gov the purpose is to save the state from economic collapse. He has the money. Why not compromise as the governors in other states have done?

In my misery, I watched parts of American Idol. I have watched it very few times. I used to like the sarcasm of the guy from England . Tonight they were supposed to sing like the Beatles. My goodness, what an assignment! Tough! Anyhow I was just wondering if the judges really felt so terrible after they cut someone, crying and feeling so bad, or is that just theatrics? I didn't think any of them came anywhere close to being like the Beatles and that was brought home very clearly when the last cuts came and in the background they played the lovely "Hey Jude" by the Beatles.

Well, the dawn is coming up and I do feel better. I hope you all had a better night.


The Book Nut said...

I sure hope you feel better!

I don't think anything is too small to bother God with. I believe God is never too busy to listen to us!

Deb Shucka said...

I hope you're getting some rest and over your bug. I'm pretty sure God's glad to hear from you no matter what you have to say. I loved reading about you and Bill's hands. Your comments about American Idol made me laugh.

yaya said...

Bernie, I'm so sorry that you've been ill, but glad you're on the health track! You remind me of my Mom who also spends many a sleepless night thinking about the past. How sweet that you think of your husband's hands and thanks for sharing that with us. I don't mind when my kids talk to me, ask for help and guidance...and I like to think God feels that way about us, his children. So go ahead and pray for what ever you need!

becky said...

Hi Bernie,
hope you're feeling better. I know what you mean about thinking about all the horror in the world & not wanting to bother God with your requests. I feel like that too sometimes. But, I don't think you can take back a prayer, and if there is a God, I am sure he wouldn't want you to. What a special remembrance of Bill.
Hope you rest well tonight.

June said...

Lying awake is not a fun thing. Too often, I work myself into a near panic attack over this or that. That's why I get up and futz around on the computer.

I liked your post about the Wisconsin situation. I'm a public employee in another state and I'm getting oh-so-tired of being The Bad Guy and The One Who Is Causing Financial Meltdown In The State.

Middle of the night thoughts of loved ones who are . . . gone who knows where . . . are the worst, and I get plenty of those myself. I don't know why it has to be such a secret either. I wish you would have a nice reassuring dream about Bill.

Anita said...

Some days are just hard. Feeling a little mentally tired myself; my own issues and those you mentioned.

But, I'm going to force myself to have a horseback riding lesson with my daughter.

When we next communicate, I hope both of us are feeling yellow...or red...or whatever color you prefer. :)

Donna said...

So sorry you are sleepless! That's miserable, Bernie. I'm with Deb, I think the Lord wants your prayers no matter what!
I sure agreee with you about collective bargaining...two of my children and one DIL are teachers. They feel so strongly about all of this and just as you do.
Sweet about your husband's hands...I feel that way about my mothers.

American make me giggle!

Sleep well tonight, dear.

Joey said...


Nothing is too small or big for God. I believe He always provides, in His time.

I never go to bed until I'm sleepy... I've been this way for years.

You're in my prayers.


Wanda..... said...

I have been a little quiet in the blogging world lately...may not always leave a comment, but always read my favorite bloggers. My husband and I wouldn't be as secure as we are today, if it weren't for collective bargaining/unions. Hope all your prayers are answered, Bernie and restful sleep comes easy!

Gaby said...

Like you, I've voted for both Republicans and Democrats, and I try to vote for candidates who will serve the voters and address the real current issues. I agree with you wholeheartedly about what's happening in Wisconsin. Here in Texas, where school music, art and phys ed programs are threatened, we've got a Republican legislator fighting to make the hamburger our state sandwich. I hope you feel better today, and remember that God does micromanage.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I always loved Dad's hands, too.

Cams said...

I firmly believed that God never leaves us. Whatever we do and think not a single minute that he leaves us. Only we people tend to stay away from him. For me I am nothing without him in my life. He is everything to me. I missed my grandfather with this photo. I was my grandfather's baby


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