Tuesday, April 12, 2011

IT'S ALL ABOUT SHARING

Last night I went to the symphony. Bill and I used to go to the symphony and it is rather difficult to go alone now. It was brought so poignantly to my attention last night as the senior (and I use the word senior to show that they were not what I consider old) couple I was sitting next to were holding hands to share the feelings that the music was sending to their souls. Bill and I used to do that. I almost grabbed this guy’s other hand to see if it would help my lost feeling. A tiny example of the things that bind people together.


It is called sharing. The sharing of life’s experiences over a long period of time cements a couple together that man cannot break asunder. As I look back more and more these past few months, I am remembering events, problems, joys---all becoming more vivid as time goes on.


The early years where we had a long honeymoon as Bill was teaching 100 miles away and came to me only on weekends. The time I told him of my becoming pregnant with our first child. Those early months with the first child when we were up all night trying to feed him. We were so woefully inexperienced taking one and one-half hours to get 3 oz. down him with a nipple hole so small the poor kid was sucking and sucking and not getting much. By the time he finished one feeding, soon it was time for another and we thought it had to be warm and Bill kept running to the kitchen to heat it up and I kept feeding it to him. Finally I burnt a needle and made a bigger hole and that problem was solved. Sounds so simple now but we were so afraid to make a mistake then. The book (Dr. Spock) said not to feed him too fast because then he would get colic.

All of the four children’s triumphs and failures. The decisions for running for election and the triumphant run for the Clerk of Court. The decision to go for the Judicial Administrator’s degree and the move to Denver. The loss of a job in Michigan later and his departure for Iowa for two years while we stayed in Michigan. Back to weekends again. The triumphant landing of the position in Wisconsin with his choice of three cities. Feast and famine.


The physical trials of all three boys with hernia surgeries at 7 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks. The first, misdiagnosed and just being saved by calling in a new surgeon and only a few minutes. The teenage trials with scoliosis, one wearing a brace, and one having spinal surgery. Me with breast cancer and nose cancer and lung biopsy and another breast cancer and Bill with hiatal hernia surgery a few weeks after a move to Wisconsin where the doc I just met told me he had a 10% chance of living through it. Then this surgery having to be done over at the Mayo Clinic when the stitches all started to come out. And a lot more but all blessed with full recoveries. We went through it all. Sharing.


Hang in there, folks, through the good and the bad. It will be worth it in the end. Though he is gone, I have great memories and lots of them from a long life together. How I wish he were still here, but well and himself again!

10 comments:

Frank said...

You should have grabbed that guys hand and just held on, just to see what he would do. :)

You and Bill had a long time of great memories. While he is very much missed, he is not forgotten and still can bring a smile to many faces when he is remembered.

Wanda..... said...

You must have a lot of memories of shared life experiences with Bill and like they say...the good always outweighs the bad. I'm sure I would feel the same loneliness, Bernie. I've been with my husband 51 years, we started dating when I was 15, he was 17. We had a long period of weekends only too, when my husband was transferred out of state. Going to the symphony alone may be bittersweet, but it's better than not going! Enjoy your post Bernie.

Donna said...

It sounds like you certainly had your share of hospitals and surgeries!! They are traumatic for sure! As one that has worked in surgery for 40 years though, it is a dedicated group of folks that works hard at all hours to help others through these stressful things.
The loved ones you have, make wonderful memories with you but it's so hard when they leave. I miss my mother more than I can ever say but I am so thankful for all the treasured moments we had. I hope we have them again in heaven someday!!

Tonja said...

I was so glad to come upon this post when I got home today as my husband and I are going through a 3 year rough patch and I have to keep reminding myself that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger...

Pat said...

You're right - you had a lot of ups and downs. But you were lucky enough to have someone to share it with you. I'm a true believer that you will see your husband in the afterlife!

Deb Shucka said...

I wonder sometimes which is harder: to share so much with a person and have to live with the pain of all that loss, or to miss out on the sharing but not know the grieving you're living in now.

What a life you and Bill had together. I hope and pray you find a new joy and a new purpose in this new and unwanted territory.

France said...

It's about time someone wrote a blog on this subject. I have thought about making a blog on this subject before, now I don't need to. Thanks for the nice blog post.

yaya said...

I'm glad you were able to enjoy the symphony. It may have been hard to go it alone, but the memories it brought back are marvelous. Looking back we always wonder how we did it all. How did we survive? Each person has their story, their life and trials. I wouldn't take another person's cross for anything. I'll just go on and hopefully be able to look back and be happy for our life story.

sdk said...

Sweet memories!
Thanks for sharing....

Relax A Little Bit said...

Thank you for sharing this.(the good and the bad) My marriage to my husband has been through trials this past year and I keep telling myself that this is just a season and that in the end we both will look back and know we did the right thing by pushing forward.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Last week during the storms I grabbed and held my husband's hand. It was the first time in a long time that I had done so. Pushing forward and praying for the best.


Love and hugs to you.
Sincerly,
M.

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