IT'S ALL ABOUT SHARING

Last night I went to the symphony. Bill and I used to go to the symphony and it is rather difficult to go alone now. It was brought so poignantly to my attention last night as the senior (and I use the word senior to show that they were not what I consider old) couple I was sitting next to were holding hands to share the feelings that the music was sending to their souls. Bill and I used to do that. I almost grabbed this guy’s other hand to see if it would help my lost feeling. A tiny example of the things that bind people together.


It is called sharing. The sharing of life’s experiences over a long period of time cements a couple together that man cannot break asunder. As I look back more and more these past few months, I am remembering events, problems, joys---all becoming more vivid as time goes on.


The early years where we had a long honeymoon as Bill was teaching 100 miles away and came to me only on weekends. The time I told him of my becoming pregnant with our first child. Those early months with the first child when we were up all night trying to feed him. We were so woefully inexperienced taking one and one-half hours to get 3 oz. down him with a nipple hole so small the poor kid was sucking and sucking and not getting much. By the time he finished one feeding, soon it was time for another and we thought it had to be warm and Bill kept running to the kitchen to heat it up and I kept feeding it to him. Finally I burnt a needle and made a bigger hole and that problem was solved. Sounds so simple now but we were so afraid to make a mistake then. The book (Dr. Spock) said not to feed him too fast because then he would get colic.

All of the four children’s triumphs and failures. The decisions for running for election and the triumphant run for the Clerk of Court. The decision to go for the Judicial Administrator’s degree and the move to Denver. The loss of a job in Michigan later and his departure for Iowa for two years while we stayed in Michigan. Back to weekends again. The triumphant landing of the position in Wisconsin with his choice of three cities. Feast and famine.


The physical trials of all three boys with hernia surgeries at 7 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks. The first, misdiagnosed and just being saved by calling in a new surgeon and only a few minutes. The teenage trials with scoliosis, one wearing a brace, and one having spinal surgery. Me with breast cancer and nose cancer and lung biopsy and another breast cancer and Bill with hiatal hernia surgery a few weeks after a move to Wisconsin where the doc I just met told me he had a 10% chance of living through it. Then this surgery having to be done over at the Mayo Clinic when the stitches all started to come out. And a lot more but all blessed with full recoveries. We went through it all. Sharing.


Hang in there, folks, through the good and the bad. It will be worth it in the end. Though he is gone, I have great memories and lots of them from a long life together. How I wish he were still here, but well and himself again!

WHAT IS JOY?

WHAT IS JOY?

Today I had a great time of joy in my life. My two-year old granddaughter and her daddy came to visit and Matilda (Miranda) spent most of the time with her ever present smile on her face, exploring my house, the piano, all the doors and where they led , throwing every pillow on the floor, etc.

She finally came to sit on my lap and watch a little TV. What a joy to play with my fingers through her golden hair and to write on her back. She sat so still. She loved it. My son smiled as he remembered I always used to do that to him when he was little. What utter joy as I felt her weight on my lap and her straight little back in front of me.

Pure joy. What is it and where do we find it? How often do we truly experience joy? If one thinks about it, one can find certain occasions when we have felt really joyous. I can think of a few offhand. When the family is on the way to the lake in the summer and you can hardly wait for that first glimpse of the water as you round the curve and then you are there and you run down to the dock and say hello to the lake and feel pure joy at being there.

When Julie had to wear her scoliosis brace all through jr. hi and high school, it was so painful at first and she had to wear it 23 out of 24 hours. And I talked to her and told her to keep going and doing things as much as she could. That I had had a student that just let the kids carry her books for her and all she did was sit and get whiter and whiter. We went to a Christmas program at the junior high one night and she was in a skit. There was a pause for the longest time when it was over. She came running into the gym from the hall, noticed the awkward silence, smiled widely and to everyone’s delight yelled “Merry Christmas” all the way to her seat in the band. They had to wait for her trombone! I knew then she would make it and she had made up her mind and did it all herself. That was joy..

When I was young and madly in love with my college sweetheart who had gone back to New York for the summer and returned in September—that night when he came to my house I was living in where I was teaching—that was joy.

When Bill finally got a position here in Green Bay after a two year separation, he in Iowa and the two youngest boys and me in Michigan—that was joy. You should hear my son tell about his reaction!

There is a difference in being happy generally speaking and having certain events stand out as being joyous. The first year we were married, Bill taught 100 miles away from me and came home every week-end. That was happiness. Honeymoon prolonged into a whole school year.

So what is your joy? Do you think of joyous moments when you are down? Do you find that you can think of a lot of them –small and big moments that you had forgotten?

Hold them close to your heart.